Things Change, or do they?

Bob Brady once said, "Things may change tomorrow. There's always room for change."

I feel like I'm a plate of maize, beans, irish potatoes, carrots, avocados, peas and cabbages!

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(Thanks Noni for the wonderful picture- check out her blog Noni's Kitchen Adventures )

I'm a being full of mixed emotions with the desire to prove herself right and wrong at the same time. In other words, I am conflicted at the moment- and I daresay that it's part of growing up or coming to terms with life.

So, having had a great meeting with the team for the Teen project yesterday- I came home to a day full of reading, writing, meeting with friends and taking three cups of coffee!

Yes- why?

Well, I had better get a move on with the project and I accomplished one feat today: I printed a few business cards! Yes, I officially did so- and now I have to work on a program and proposal for fundraising.

But- that's not what has me all jumbled up- I have not written anything in two days as regards the novel that's due for release in December. I had set up targets for making sure that I get to the word count limit that I wanted and at this rate, I have only been working on the Teen project and setting it aside for too long.

So, when I checked my email, I got a reminder from Lulu about the book, and I have been writing down character sketches ever since, so thanks for that!

I have not yet resumed work full-time, and I have to make the most of the free time that I have now, and it got me thinking of how fast things change. In one breath things can happen to us, or we can make things happen that affect the course of our life.

I also like to be in control, to always know what's happening- how, when, why and what'll be the outcome, and today Prince Charming let it all out for me. He does smile before he gets serious unlike me- because I smile or smirk when I'm pissed off. So, after his killer smile comes the words, "you know what Dora, people change, times change but if there's one thing you sure have taught me it's that I get to decide how to react to it, so how about lunch- just you and me- no stories, no talk, just us eating."

And do you know the first thing I asked?

"Where and when?"

He laughed and said, "I'll tell you madam Schedule," and he ended the call. So, I am Madam Schedule, uh?

So far- it's easy to say that change is good- or to see it in other people, but would you believe me if I say that every morning as the sun rises and we get out of bed and look at ourselves in the mirror, most of us fail to see just how different we are...

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Read a my story blog: www.totellornot.wordpress.com

Learn from my encounters, and share the insights with your circles: www.imetthiswonderfulperson.wordpress.com

Okay, so...what now?

I finally have my way and instead of feeling very happy I feel calm, is that how it's supposed to be?

Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about, well...let's put it this way, things are great between Prince Charming and I. We talked a lot of things through and he could only laugh when I told him- and he said that it was cool because he liked me for my weirdness and inability to stay still- (though that sounded downright weird) I had to accept that he did see through the part of me that I had shared with him.

So, now...I am back to work (well, it's always been work for a while) and he did get me going on with my writing which I am grateful for.

So, I woke up this morning to his text wishing me a marvelous day and I was like:

​(Photo Credit: LinkedIn )

For a while it had felt like everything was closing in one me and I wanted out- not just to breathe but to feel my heart beat, to remember what my goals were and how much I yearned for them.

Well, I got it!

But then I'm asking myself, have I really got what I wanted?

What did I really want in the first place? Was it a want or a need?

And now my mind is a minefield of twenty one questions and I cannot for the life of me understand why I tolerate these thoughts, and then it dawns on me when I'm mopping...like I am bending with a wet rag cleaning the living room- and just like that I realize that I am running away!

I have escapism tendencies...and Grace calls it Philosophy.

I mean, have you ever tried sharing a thought with a Philosopher? It's like asking a Therapist a question and they throw it back at you.

There it is, I have been running away scared and calling it 'suffocation' and now that I have finally realized it, I am left with the greatest Oprah show of my life with Prince Charming.

See, if you have dreams and aspirations- and you meet someone who suddenly makes things feel so right and good, you can get so caught up in them that you forget to live for what you yearned for. Years later you find yourself hating them for never letting you live your dreams- when in essence you never shared your dreams with them- and they never knew how to encourage you.

So, I'm learning to live. I am also learning to open up and share my dreams and fears- because if I do not tell him then there's no way he'll know how to support me.
I am also asking him his aspirations- and this is the question my mother always asks my friends "what are your aspirations?"
She also asks "where do you come from? Who are your parents and what do they do? What is the one thing they've taught you that you are grateful for?"

So, if you are dating someone and you are hoping for a long term commitment, don't wait to get all panicky like me. Ask them:

1. What are your aspirations?
2. Can you cultivate me? (Or will you improve me so that together we are a formidable force?)
3. How can I improve you? If so, will you listen to my views and work with me to help make you better?

You'll probably have other questions to ask with time, but what matters is that you asked them.

It's easier to blame others, and so now as stubborn as I am, I am doing my writing and getting ready for that road trip. I have the book coming out in December, and Prince Charming's declaration that "I'll stand by you, as long as you don't watch me fall," and if there is one thing I am sure of it's that I'll be alright- and we will always be the best of friends.

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Read a my story blog: www.totellornot.wordpress.com

Learn from my encounters, and share the insights with your circles: www.imetthiswonderfulperson.wordpress.com

SOMETHING ABOUT DAWNS

Before dawn, there's dusk.
Before the dusk, there's dawn.
This will be a long and maybe funny article, but I daresay, it has to be written and published and you will most definitely comment on it. I was making my way around campus sometime yesterday with a book in hand. See, most people think that we cannot surely multi-task, but I beg to differ (loudly) on this one. Our minds have the uncanny ability to map our environment. Taking my case, I walk past the administration block to class, then the library and sometimes the computer lab, how hard is that?
So, I know what turn leads to which building on campus and that's why I can read while walking, simple! So, while doing so-this girl asks me "hey,you mean you can read while walking, isn't that dangerous?"
I smiled and replied, "my two-year old nephew can walk around the house when there's a blackout, now isn't that dangerous?" She smiled and we forged a ten minute friendship that was sealed by a conversation based on the dumb things people say and do.
So, here's a list of some of the retorts that we came up with:
"I do not lie, I simply told him I would see him in three minutes, and that's after I finish having lunch."
"I am not addicted to coffee, I simply love taking coffee-there's a difference."
"I am not saying you are wrong, I am saying that you need to stop doing that and do something smart."
"Isn't she awful? She was busy talking about you behind your back and we were like...listening and stuff and it was kinda funny, but what she did was bad."
"I'm not saying I won't do it, I am saying I would rather watch a movie than sit down to write an essay."
I was amazed at how easy it was to chat to a stranger. It somehow got me thinking about habits and indulgence. Like people who smoke can simply meet another smoker and ask for a lighter or a cigarette and puff away while talking. People who sit around at Kencom, can share a newspaper and talk about politics all day. Psychology majors here on campus, can sit down and immediately unleash all the psychosis in them over a drink or two. It brings to light the saying that "birds of a feather flock together."
I must admit that this time I asked the girl her name and as such made a new friend. As she left for class, our conversation got me thinking of dawns and dusks. The dawn signifies a beginning while the dusk the end of what was, and hopefully another lesson to be learnt. We meet new people daily, and at times we fail to share experiences or simply engage in conversation because of our fears. At times we might be willing to do so, but they are wary and as such hold back. Like in a matatu or bus, it would be hard to initiate a conversation with a stranger. But, isn't that what makes it unique and worthwhile? Just knowing that you can sit down to chat with someone and learn something from them or about their personality is mindblowing.

So take that step once in a while, delve into the unknown and simply have a chat with someone.

FROZEN IN TIME

Have you ever heard people telling you 'forget about it, let it go-it's in the past?"
Have you ever wondered or asked yourself why you seem stuck in that moment? I do love three things and I will tell you about them again; books, coffee and good music. I can sit down to a good book, sip some coffee while listening to some good music. To achieve this I visit the school library every day and walk through the floors-and browse through the shelves. I have some friends who do not know how the school online search system works (OPAC)-and some of them ask me where they might locate certain books. I would more often than not direct them appropriately but it's not because I use OPAC, but because I browse through the shelves. I pick a section, go through all the books and then walk to the next. There's something about books that draws me to them. I wish I had a better way of explaining how good it feels looking through those shelves for a good book.
So, today I picked a book "Thinkers of the East" by Idries Shah and was drawn to it, first by the quote " The rights that others have over you,remember them. The rights that you have over others, forget them."
It got me thinking-how often do we do the opposite?
Why is it so easy to forget the rights others have over us and remember the ones we have over others? Simple-it is because of our ego and the need to feel superior. It hit me that every day in whatever we do, one of the main objectives is to make the 'me' happy. It is all about being happy. Happiness in this case is simply about pride and not peace of mind.
I have often heard people say that they are having a bad day. If you ask them why, or what it is about their day that makes them declare it bad, they say 'things are not working out as I planned.'
If you were a driver on the wheel then you would say that. We often forget that we are people and we have minds. We process thoughts and at times desires that are manifested in our actions. We also forget that the same mind, can choose to make out a situation out of nothing, simply because we have these preconceived notions that we are supposed to have things work our way.
We get frozen in time, because we keep playing one moment over and over again. Each time we play that moment we forget to switch roles and often play the victim. It becomes more of a state in which 'I was wronged, it shouldn't have happened like that, I did not want it to happen like that, blah blah blah!'

Each time you replay an occurrence in the past, try switching roles and thinking of the other perspective-maybe then you will not be so frozen in time,who knows?

Garden of leaves

Since last year, I have had this fascination for leaves. I know it sounds, too botanical, but it is true. I have come to find "peace" just by collecting leaves. What kind of peace? Well, they are so simple, yet complex. If you perchance pick a leaf, any leaf, look at it carefully-there will be lines/veins that cut across the surface of the leaf. Some of these are vertical, others horizontal and in some leaves they create some kind of mesh.
Leaves are green when they are alive and healthy and brown when they wither.
They are the part that makes food for the tree. That is based on the Biology I can recall. It has hit me so many times in the past couple of months, how much leaves remind me of people. There are broad leaves, narrow leaves, scissor cut leaves, pine leaves, some are just down right ugly while others assume the look of flowers-like the Bougainvillea leaves. They are my favorite. So, what connection do leaves and people make?
Well, some people are broad, others narrow, some are downright ugly in their character and others seem good while they are bad. Leaves are visible. What you see is not always what you get. The same goes for people. What you see is not always what you get. When you think some people are proud and arrogant, with time you find out they are sweet and loving. It all takes time.
It is the same with life, everything takes time. What matters is how long you are willing to sit around and wait.
People can be horrible but everyone has a soft spot. Question is, are you willing to discover that soft spot? I have a garden of leaves as evident in my scrap book. It is the one place where each leaf reminds of each person, mood, time and most of all the lessons I have learnt in life.