Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Yours truly....C.

Dearest Anna,
I hope you are better than you were the last time we met. I am doing well for myself in this job and all seems to be going too fast for me to catch up. I ran for miles trying to catch up with you but all I could cathch up with was the exhaust fumes from the bus that you boarded. My brother told me you were happy to leave but I have been asking myself why you had to leave so soon and why I had never gathered the guts to tell you what you wanted to hear. I am your friend. We have been friends ever since we were kids and I still hear your sweet laughter in the evening breeze. I sometimes see your smile shining brightly on me while am at work. You have loved the right person and he has returned the favor most willingly. I do hope that all goes well at your wedding...yes, my brother told me about it, shall I be invited or should I take his word that you shall never invite me?
I still recall the night we danced at the school party and you were so scared that you almost shook in my arms, but we were friends and no one knew what I felt for you...they never will and I fear that as time goes I shall never gain the courage to tell you again.
I am leaving for New York in two days time. I got a scholarship to go pursue my masters in International Business Management. I would have loved to see you but the heart only yearns doesn't it? Pablo Neruda once wrote an ode to a couple and he said, "If snow falls upon two heads, the heart is sweet, the house is warm. If not, in the storm the wind asks, where is the woman you loved? And nipping at your heels will press you to seek her. Half a woman is one woman and one man is half a man. Each lives in half a house, each sleeps in half a bed."
I still hear the wind asking me where you are and why I let you go. But I ask myself why never let me tell you the truth and why you left without saying goodbye.
Anna, was I wrong that night in saying that I love you?
Anna, was I really wrong in taking the first step in what seemed like an emotional duel, but forget my words, you always said that I was good with words, but see how far they have gotten me. I leave home, I leave Kenya for a country so new to me, a culture so different from mine, a language not as sweet and special like mine, I leave it all behind because I seek an education to further myself and my people. You should have been here to see how proud my father was, Mr. Oloo finally smiled, his boy is going abroad to study and making a name for himself. When he asked about you I fought back tears that would have confessed a secret between the two of us. But what is a secret between two people if not gossip to the whole world? For love is what I feel for you and respect goes beyond any expression of the sort. Dearest, I am going to send you a letter in the hopes that you might read it and remember what we had and can have is you so wish. Anna, I have loved you all along, for eighteen years...and I shall continue loving you because there is more to you than meets the eye. If I were to start all over again I will make sure you do not get ot of my sight but time has gone and so is the thought...
Have a wonderful time dear, may all the blessings be with you.
I wish I would scale the times and be the one who yu walk to down the aisle...
Yours truly......C.