Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Through and through

I have always heard of drug addiction.
I have seen it in the movies.
I have seen it come alive in some of my uncles.
I have never tasted alcohol...maybe some would  think of me as a sissy- but if you replace the first 's' with a 'c' then it sounds like a name I would love 'Cissy' short for 'Cecilia.' So, let's stick to the game plan- but with this, it ain't one.
I have volunteered at a rehab center.
I have seen them cry out to their family. Men and women- adults, I have watched them crawl  on the floor, hurl insults only to smile if you showed them a picture of a bottle of beer.

But, am here- I'm here because I blame myself. I have to face the truth. I am not here because I really care, but because I blame myself for never knowing that this is what would become of my best friend. So, what shall we call this?
I am the Psychologist here, I ought to know.

But when it comes to family and friends- I care, and that is strong enough to make me lose my objectivity. So, this is day two. He is busy asking me why the room is spinning. He feels like he's blowing up every second. 'Have you ever seen a bomb explode Arch? It is exploding in me right now,  just make it stop, tell them to go away,  I am fine...and guess who came to visit...'
The rest I save  for my conscience, because tonight I am taking it to the torture chamber!
I pull out my notebook and this is all I have to tell him.

'Come back home Gregory. Don't do it for me or your mom, but do it for yourself. You have traveled far and wide. You know what the bottom of a bottle looks like and as for hell, you are the only one who doesn't need a gate-pass. Do you remember the first day we had lunch on campus? You were so mad at me for having fries and chicken and when I finished the food- you could not believe that a girl could eat all that fat. You laughed about it all the way to class. I only reached the door to realize that you were carrying my bag, books and had this huge smile on your face. 'Seriously, how did you do that? Don't tell me you will eat like that when I take you to a Five Star Hotel.'
I laughed then.
We had many more lunches then. You were poor in Math and Language and in me you found a dictionary and Google. You were smart. You always had an answer and an excuse for every
question. We were best of friends, how come you never leaned on me? Gregory, if you are listening to me right now...all I can say is don't give up, because though you keep exploding deep inside you still  reassemble yourself and that's why I can still see you...through and through.'

I look up and he's smiling.
'Glad you still write Arch....'

I pull out my phone and pretend to tweet because these bucket loads of tears are going to show.