Monday, February 10, 2014

I found myself.

I found myself, like I had lost myself. I woke up today at 2am, like I always do because my adorable cousin has to study. Once she is up, my mind is always alert until 8am. But today, thanks to Kenya Power (the electricity provider in Kenya, for anyone who's new to the term) we had no lights, so I had to wake her up at 2am, 3am, 4am and finally 5am. Now I know my snooze power, it's an hour limit,awesome uh?
So, I decided to write.
I thought I could pick my pen and simply write the perfect love story. It would have the best man and woman and their love would rise above everything, but Ayn Rand brought me back to life. I came across her work, 'The Romantic Manifesto,' and it made me question how real, how plausible my story would be? Now- here's what I did, I took the bit I had written and burned it. I bid my prince charming and dashing lady adieu!
I have written nothing since then. So I have embarked on another story, and this one is about love and dating miles away. Imagine being in love with someone so much that they never get to see it or learn of it. Nothing is as beautiful and hideous as unrequited love, so they say, but love is patient, is it not? Lovers are never patient, but it doesn't mean that they never try. I have the story in my head, and the feeling running through my veins but I cannot bring myself to write it because just this once, I am scared of being overpowered by my characters.
So, I listened to Ed Sheeran's + album, and danced to John Newman's 'love me again' and belted out an awesome rendition of Beyoncé's 'drunk in love.'
I had a cup of black coffee for lunch, then listened to the rain take over and silently pray that the lights don't go out for I dread waking up in snooze mode.
I found myself when I walked past the mirror afraid that I would drop my pen and never pick it up. That's what love does to you. It leaves you dreaming of all the possibilities. That's what mistrust does to you. It leaves you working out all the lies, nothing is ever true to anyone who's been heartbroken. I found out that I could only do so much in my desire to create the perfect characters, and it's in this way that I found myself.