Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Contained.

"No one defines me..."

This was said by Tom Riley, who plays the role of Leonardo DaVinci in the TV series DaVinci's Demons


I watched the first season yesterday- and couldn't stop replaying the words "no one defines me."

You can read the blurb about the TV series here and watch it, but this post today is another piece that comes straight from the heart-because it reminded me of a conversation I had with Brian.

Yes...woe unto anyone who dates a writer! You'll make either a great story or a bad one.

Brian...well, where do I start with him? Tall, dark and somewhere near fabulous, happens to be one of my best ex-boyfriends, because we can occasionally Skype and reminisce on the good times we had- and I can listen to how his life is in another country.
He's a good guy.

He had his moments.

So...I remember one time he told me that he fears I would never settle down because to do so would mean containment and he cannot see me being defined by a man or my love for the man.

I took this in stride- until my friend Grace, opened up to me about her concern.

I have been in the wonderful company of some great friends- and she foresaw one of them thinking of advancing our friendship, most probably to an engagement. When she pointed this out- I had to buy her lunch and secure a table at the corner in a restaurant because she had confirmed my fears. I did not want to lead the guy on.

He's a good friend, not a potential mate.

So, we got to talking and she said "you'll never settle just for anyone Dora, that's your problem, you read too much, listen too much, talk at times too much and most of all are a free spirit, I mean, you quit and seek jobs as though you were walking in and out of a bus station! This guy...hana hopes! Ama, what do you think?"

I looked at her- and summoned the guts to confess that she was right. You know, when you find the one person whose love doesn't contain, but sets you free...you do everything in your power to make them know this and to keep them in your life. It's like breathing or finally reading that one book that knows you so well, you can't put it down or close it!

"No one defines me."
For isn't that complete in itself?

A definition means something is!
It's not something will be, or was, or could be...it's just something that is, and that falls short of so many aspects of life and experiences don't you think so?

It doesn't mean that being in love or in a committed relationship means you are contained. It means that you cannot cease to always be when you are attached. Isn't it odd that most cases of divorce cite "irreconcilable differences?" What changed?

I had to share this because...somehow it feels as though every time I embark on one of my expeditions, there's always so much to learn- and I get into it all with such a rush that I never seem to notice the change in me that my friends see.

I also write this because Brian has been nagging me about it- and he said that unless I choose I accept it, I'd have so many people hoping for a chance yet it has not come through, so now that I am dealing with all this, you can also read about my awesome BFF by clicking ---> Dear Brian

So, at the moment there's a lot more for me to sort through, because the one thing Grace failed to notice is not just the high hopes that the guy has, but also the fact that  there could be hope-given how I interact with them.

So, what's my take?
When it comes to wisdom and the search for knowledge...you can never be full.
How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?