Thursday, March 12, 2009

Just a feeling.

This could be on eof those moments in which I write about a matter that is so close to my heart yet driven away by my rationality. At times when in search of peace we seek company that tends to distort the very same peace that we yearn for.
Seeing her walk around the cafeteria with her tray in her hands, makes me want to stand up and tell her to join me. Everyon else is busy chatting with their friends, some laughing at the top of their voices, others jsut catching up on the latest buzz around school. I sit patiently watching her move around scouting for the perfect position to sit. The arm of her brown canvas bag slides diagonally across her chest, an orange plastic Haco ruler sticks out of her bag. she has on her tray, a plate of French Fries, a can of juice, a pineapple slice and some bunch of keys. She walks past me and sits down at the far corner.
I smile, then smile again and finally gather the guts to stare at her one more time before leaving the cafeteria.
"Hi, Dora what's up?"
"Nothing much, you?"
"I am just going inside to meet some of my group members, see you later."
"You too, Elle."
And with one nod of the head, I head back to my room, in awe of that girl who could manage to have time on her own without being bugged. She could eat at her pleasure and listen to her conscience while the world stood still.
I see her face every morning when I wake up, every night before I go to bed I see her exhausted eyes ready to sleep awaiting the dawn of a new day.
"How do you manage?" They ask of her, yet what they need to ask is why does she seek a solitary life if not time on her own? Truth is her batteries need to be recharged. It does take hours to do that...peaceful hours that is.
She walks past me again and I smile...I am glad that's me.