"Our constant problem is how to live with people and remain free, how to live with things and remain independent."
Abraham Joshua Heschel.
When other people, say our parents, spouse, relatives, friends, children- are our reasons to live a certain way, we are not truly free. Some parents try so hard to be perfect and enforce very high standards for their children. These standards are a constant pressure to their children. It becomes a problem when the children see through their hypocrisy. Some have issues with being told not to drink while their parents have a wine cellar in the house. Others are told not to lie, yet they overhear their parents lie on the phone. Living with things allows both comfort and liability. There are homes that have cars, clothing, basics-that give us the freedom to enjoy life. When we decide to let such things take center place in our life we lose our freedom.
You only remain free when you are conscious of the choice you have made. In most cases people make choices to make others happy or to gain their approval. This is futile and it only leads to depression and resentment. How can you please everyone? How can you simply live for others without knowing what you live for? These are questions to ask when it comes to creating durable relationships. If you are going out of your way only to please someone, chances are you are struggling and losing yourself at the same time.
Live in the moment. Do something that you want to do and deal with the consequences-you learn when you make mistakes. You make greater mistakes when you play safe and please others. That mistake would result in you losing yourself. The result would be pain, misery and contempt.
How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?