Friday, October 19, 2012

Diary of a Broken Heart

Dear Diary,
I woke up today and I am tired. It's like the day is here to remind me of what happened yesterday. Honestly speaking, yesterday is still here with me and for once Amnesia is most welcome. So, how did it go? Well, turns out that Maxwell decided to have dinner with his friend from work. She was on his lap and he was helping her eat when I passed by. I am not one to stare at people eating at Kengeles, but yesterday my head turned courtesy of my long neck and saw him. It was not right. They had to settle for the table just near Buddy's Grill, and silly me I had to go scan some documents at the cyber-and what a scene! She was smiling and kissing him. He was smiling and kissing her back. I don't know what to make of this. Any fool would would tell me it's over- but hell, that's why we have Facebook and I thought of changing my status to "single."
It hurt me so much I thought I was dead. I couldn't breathe or move- and when he saw me. He jumped up and she almost fell over and the waiter who was walking to their table froze. He looked at me and then at them and walked back to the restaurant with their order. I am grateful he respected my pain then-or maybe he thought I would use the bottle as a machete, which would have worked out well, and next thing the world hears is another Man in Kisumu is "Nyerified!"
So, what should I do?
You are some blank piece of paper, but at least you listen-or so I think, but it hurts that he would lie everyday to me and I believed him. He was working. He went to work from 8am to 5pm, just like me and here goes something.
Maybe he'll say he was working overtime. It's allowed but he's not Wiz Khalifa to Work Hard, Play Hard . Truth is even the song, doesn't mean he has to work hard and flirt or have affairs with his colleagues. So, what did I do? I walked on to the cyber and scanned my documents and walked past them again, and walked on home. It was not easy walking away, but my feet felt lighter and my heart happier like the sun was shining.
So, when I woke up today I heard the door open and saw him walk in.
He went to the bathroom and started running some water for his bath. I made my breakfast and ate. When I finished I turned on the television and started watching CNN. It was simple- he could do whatever he wanted, but I would not go home to his parents and pretend that everything is okay. He knew this much when I caught him last evening. He came to the room later and said 'can we talk?'
I told him 'talk.' He sighed then said 'I'm sorry, what you saw yesterday is nothing-it's not what you thought it was, we were just eating out and things got cosy and I'm sorry you had to see that, really, look...'
I looked at him and let him use as many words to explain what happened yesterday, but my heart was frozen. What happened to that guy I trusted? The one who would indeed admit that he was wrong and would talk to me about it. What happened to that guy who asked me to marry him in the presence of our families? The one who attended church services with me and even helped out his relatives who needed his guidance? What happened to that man? So, I looked him in the eye and told him 'I am moving out Maxwell, it was a pleasure knowing you and don't come anywhere near my office or to my parents home asking about me. I will notify them that I don't want to be married to you anymore.'
So, here I am...three hours after freeing myself-and the only person I can turn to is my Mother, she is in a better position to explain to me how she survived six years married to my Father, who later on married another woman, after she divorced him for committing adultery. I guess History does have a lot to teach and now that I am single again, my heart's in pieces because Maxwell will never know just how much I adored him and how much I was going to care for him, guess this calls for a beginning.

Courtesy of:
Linnette, a dear friend, who is finally walking down the aisle with the man she loves, who loves her and is faithful to her too.
She's the one who keeps saying 'God's timing is the best.' 
Hate less, Love more: Fear less, Hope more.