Friday, October 5, 2012

Spirits: A Lesson from my Grandmother

My Grandmother told me when I was ten that there are different kinds of spirits.
She laughed at how there was only one that had to Capitalized wherever it appeared. I never understood a word she was saying. I had just lost my Father (her favorite Son) the previous year and the only thing that was keeping me together was pain.
She saw right through it- like she was telepathic or something.
She told me "there are many spirits in this world, but one like yours is the rare one -and before you know it, one day you'll wake up and realize you have achieved so much and you'll live on always fighting that pain inside you, learn to let go, that's what is really hard for you-but if you learn that, nothing could ever stop you."
It's been a battle this past month.
A raging battle because of the things I want to do and also knowing how hard it would be to get them done- but I am setting on a journey. I am not going to India (no, thanks, I love Kenya just fine). I am not selling everything I have (leave that to Robin Sharma, loved his book 'The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari' by the way). I am not going to write a hit book about it- not yet, well, maybe just maybe, if I can come up with the right words to describe my feelings.
But what she told me came to me yesterday when a friend (@say_teen) kept probing me about my mobility. She said that I kept moving and was very unpredictable and she only hoped that whatever it was that I was looking for I would find it and get back to helping her with a program.
But, it's never the desire of anyone to simply stay fixed. You can stay in the same place and grow as long as you have firm roots- just like trees. A Jacaranda tree can grow to be some huge tree all the while it's roots grow stronger and they expand. Just because you are in the same situation doesn't mean you cannot expand while there. I have a friend who has been a receptionist for four years. Her parents say that she has refused to grow. They don't acknowledge that she's attended major trainings on Organizational Psychology, that she was promoted two years back as Head Receptionist, that she also facilitates at workshops and most of all that she is happy to have finally started on a Masters Degree in Organizational Psychology. They expect her to quit and get a job that doesn't headline as 'Receptionist.' 
I talked to her yesterday and she was the one who pointed out that I have searching eyes.
She said that when I look at her, it seems as though I am searching for something within her. She reminded me of my Grandmother and what she'd said over a decade ago. I am looking not for answers, but for something precious. I don't know if it's about people or places or God or Nature, all I know is that I feel through words. I listen through beats. I love through understanding-and hope to leave a legacy every minute I come into contact with someone.
So, whatever spirit I have-I guess it's finally found it's path and I can do nothing much but become an explorer!

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How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?