Sunday, November 4, 2012

The thing about Judgements

Why is it so easy for humans to see the flaw and dwell on it than appreciate the good?
It so happens that when you do something- you immediately look for the down side of it, before you see the good. It's like living a life of "well done-BUT..."
It's like being publicly addressed and having the speaker throw the words "with all due respect..." at you, when you clearly understand the implication of such a statement. See, we often make conclusions about people and expect them to stay that way. But, what's based on perception could be real or not. It could be something that we fear that truly is or something we loathe that truly ain't. Some time back I was reading a story, from a friend- she's working on a thesis on "Fear and Perception." She wants to know whether some of the things people fear are real or just things we perceive and could be unreal. She's taken the angle of dating and relationships and so far, all's well with her paper. What amused me most was a response she got "I had a friend, who liked me, but he never did anything about it-because first he believed we were of different denominations, I loved going out to parties and he just couldn't see us dating-he only told me all this when I was dating a guy who finally understood me and loved me for who I was."
I thought about this and wondered, "if cliche's are to go by and guys really love a challenge, why wouldn't this guy have told her what he felt?"
But, you'd say- "That has nothing to do with judgment."
I beg to differ (on a creative, if not a very orthodox way)- it so is. First the guy knew they were of different denominations (he forgot they were of the same faith, duh!), second he knew she loved going to parties. He concluded they'd not be a good couple because of these two factors. Therefore made the judgment call not to date her- until she'd found some good guy, then it hit him that in fact they could have if he tried.
See, the thing about bad judgments is they are more like coming to a conclusion because you don't want to carefully analyze the data you have.  People make either good or bad judgment calls but what matters the most is what impact it has. You can choose to make a bad judgment call to suit you, or someone else-but still the consequences have to be faced.
It's been a wonderful year and who knew that we'd have 58 days to the end of 2012? The thing about judgments is we all make them- and at times all we have to do is go back to the drawing board and overlook a judgment call we'd made about someone's personality or impression we had of them-to learn more from them.