Monday, September 16, 2013

How love goes...

A friend sent me a text this morning, "Do you recall Mike, we went to campo with him, just heard that he was buried over the wknd, ati he committed suicide "

I was making my way to town, and the only way I could take in the news was by looking outside the window and letting the tears flow.

PS: If you hear anyone say some girl was shedding tears in a Double M, from Buruburu/ Outering- know it was me.


Yes, it's hard to talk of him- but I will say that he's the one guy who would simply make his way to your table at lunch, and laugh with you- he also knew just how much music could make sense- and most of all, he once accompanied me to Nairobi Hospital when a resident had collapsed in her room- and stayed with me in the waiting room, taking the hospital's horrible coffee till 7am when the girl's parents showed up. That's Mike! That's what I know of him- and now I learn through a text that he took his life?

Those are the questions people ask. But instead I asked "What was he trying to tell those who loved him?"

So, why title this post "how love goes?"

It's simple- because the one thing anyone who takes their life does not know, is how much his/her actions defy the love of those around them.

I say this because to be honest I am grieving- and it is not the way in which I wanted to start my week- but Mike's pain exceeded his coping resources and that's why he ended his life. But I am one of his coping resources!
We have been talking, and sharing tweets and emails- and to hear that he ended his life, makes me ask wasn't my love and concern enough?

Clearly- it wasn't.

 (Le Suicidé by Édouard Manet, link )

And now, I will simply have to go through the motion of understanding his side of the story- and living with the fact that he is not here anymore- and that's not my cup of coffee (thinking of which, I should probably get one).

We face so many challenges in life, we ask so many questions and hope for better things- but often our desires are crushed! I say desires, because more often than not- we want things that please us rather than what we need to live more fulfilled lives.

And if by any chance you have ever thought of ending your life read this first .

Isn't it odd that just when you get to the edge of the cliff you ask if you should fall or not?
And that when you are on the verge of giving up something comes up?

Do not give up.
It's all I have to say- have a lovely week people.

How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?