Saturday, May 31, 2014

The other side

I start today's post with the question, "is it right to seek what's on the other side of every situation?" At the moment, I do not see the need to.
It seems as though I am in a situation where I hold the cards, and the saddest part is that I neither want to play nor take a risk.
I have achieved some milestones that I thought I never would, and seek the opportunity to get even more and to always push myself above and beyond to get what I need.
So, what brought this on?
A lot of events during the week.

I did my writing and reading, and got work done so much so that I have become closed in my shell. I know that my family and close friends have been witnesses to the shell I harbor, but with all that I have been engaging in- I am retreating in my shell and ending and renewing relationships that are only vital to me.

I had shared this a while back, when I talked of releasing relationships that are not appreciative of the mutual consent we share. In other words, I have let go of people who do not appreciate me.

Bill called me today and he asked, "what if you wanted out?"
I thought about it for a few breaths then said, "I would definitely let you know, how, when, why and what you should do when I want out."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."

He hung up and got myself a cup of tea to think things through.
"Do I want out?"
Most of all "Does he want out?" I had so many thoughts in and out of my head that I'd honestly admit  I even thought of writing about it. So, what is this "out" dilemma?
Well, when I met Bill- we decided that I would never write a book about our friendship. He specifically asked me not to write it. So, now he has been thinking about it- and he's had the change of heart- believing that I might just write a book about him.

On the other hand, I do not want to write about him.
To do so would be to dissect him as though he were on my table. I know I can will myself to do it, but I am not ready to write the book on him.

It's like living knowing that there are certain boundaries you can never cross but you find yourself pushed to the limit so much so that you are standing on tip-toe and one slight push will see you in the side you said you'd never take!
A good example is Grace who said she'd never date a man who supported Man U, and now- she's getting married to a die-hard Man U supporter. (Lol!)

I think karma works overtime!

But, it's not easy questioning my motives with this "other side" issue. I had said I'd not write a book on him- and the way things have been going this week, it seems as though I will have to relent, so God help me- stand my ground until I am ready to cross over to the other side.

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How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?