Monday, July 7, 2014

I wrote a letter

I wrote my love a letter, and sealed it in a small white envelope. I tossed and turned all night as I thought of delivering the letter.
Would I face him and hand it to him?
Would I send it via post?
Would I simply type it and email him?
Would I take pictures of it and send it to him via whatsapp ?
Would I even hand it to him?

I woke up at half past six, and went to work. The streets were silent, and clear of human activity. I boarded a vehicle to Maseno- at double the fare, and prayed to God for my safety. He granted me not only my safety but my arrival and departure as though it was nothing but a flick of the finger to Him.

I saw this couple holding hands as they walked into the campus grounds- and reached out into my back pocket for the letter.
It was 8:46am, and I had to spend an hour on a motorbike to get to my destination, did he even think of me? Was he aware of my hesitation?

I laughed at myself for a second, then felt my heart beat- it was steady, for what would happen if it raced? Nothing.
I wrote my love a letter and sealed it in a white envelope.

White means purity, or the absence of it depending on how you feel and think, but it's just that the envelope was readily available and I had to write him. It's been years since I poured my heart out to him.
It's like he's the one book that breathes life and damnation to my soul- but I keep it on the shelf, afraid to destroy the pages by turning it. Afraid that once I start reading I will never let it go.
I wrote my love a letter and sealed it in a white envelope.

I came back to town and slept my anxiety off.
I walked to the kitchen at noon to prepare a cup of coffee with the letter in my hand. I turned on the gas, and then the blue flames reminded me of Chemistry. I wonder how come the 'Bunsen Burner' was easier to remember when it came to form ones but not the exams. I looked at the blue flame and extended the white envelope over it. One tip caught the flame- but instead of blue it burned bright yellow- and with time my fingers were left with a black hot powder.
I placed the sufuria on the cylinder plate and held my hand to my heart.

I wrote my love a letter and sealed it in a white envelope.
I guess I'll never know what he made of it- and he'll never know how much I yearned for him to read it.

I wrote my love a letter. I sealed it in a white envelope. I carried it with me to work. I burned it before making myself a cup of coffee.
I know it's true, for a love so strong- I'm letting go for a love so true.


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www.totellornot.wordpress.com

For all that is right, let there be love-peace and understanding.