Sunday, July 6, 2014

Don't Rub It In

I had seriously considered taking up after Kendrick Lamar and having the title of this post as "Don't Kill My Vibe."

I had someone do that yesterday and I did not like it. I felt like strangling him because of late it seems as though my temper gets the best of me- and I find myself getting angry at some things that I would normally not do so. I am enjoying this freedom of expression at the moment- hoping the next phase would have happier tides.

I had this for lunch today:


As I sat down to eat, I recalled a parent at St. Elizabeth's Moi Girls Boarding Primary School in Seme, telling me that I was a poor eater.
He pointed at me and loudly pronounced "you are a poor eater!"

I found myself in the defense with the urge to shout back, "So what? Tell me something I don't know!"
I didn't. I smiled instead, and washed my hands then thanked the Teachers for such a wonderful meal.

Have you ever had people rub things in?
I mean- they tell you all the time with the desire to make it seem as the greatest sin on earth- as though if you do not do as they wish then you'll certainly perish?

In Psychology, during counseling- we term that as 'fueling a behavior,' yes...the more you fight it the easier it will be for the client to continue with it.
Take dating for example- the more your parents disapprove of your partner the more you feel attracted or drawn to them. Your parents may be right, but in their decision to fight against the relationship- as a human being, you find yourself drawn to your partner, to protect and show that you truly love them, and as such your love seems stronger than anything in the world.

It's the same for addicts. It takes an addict a long time to accept that they need help- because when everyone is against something- a part of you seeks to find the good in it so you can not only protect but also cherish what you have.

So- what's it about my eating?
I don't eat like everyone!
I cannot eat at one sitting and often snack or eat in bits- so what? That's how I eat, should I subscribe to someone else's eating methods? I eat when I'm hungry (this of course does not apply to coffee and cake- the two are a delight!)

So, this parent went ahead to say that "you should watch how you eat!"
I nodded whilst thinking "thank you for expressing your opinion, but I have every right not to live by it."

My colleagues laughed and they could not help but also say that they know I don't eat, and they don't hold it against me. I felt small for two minutes because I was surrounded by a cloud of anger- that I found myself clenching my bony fists and thinking that hell would not be a bad place for unwelcome opinions, but then I remembered my sister's words, "what good would it do?"

I still think I'm angry, not for being told what I know- but for being publicly asked to live according to someone else's will.
I choose not to.
I shall do as I can, and live as I can- and in doing so- hope that I shall never have to impose my will on someone else, because sometimes when we rub things in- we fail to see what we are asking the other person to do. In some cases, you have to push people so they can move, but in some- you have to let them move their feet so they can feel the power within and rise to their calling.

I also see the good side to this- I mean, thanks to that parent, I had a chance to share this blog because it made me realize that I have done something like that before- and now I pray that when I do it, it would be to make someone move to achieve his/her potential and not to impose my will.
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P.S: Read my latest story: "The Girl Without A VOICE" on www.totellornot.wordpress.com

For all that is right, let there be love-peace and understanding.