Monday, September 1, 2014

Running

This is the second post or third in which I've danced around my love for running from things that scare me.
I do three things best:
  1. Bottle up my anger
  2. Smile and walk away when I'm pissed off
  3. Run away from love



Yes, there I said it!

Grace would probably buy me three pots of coffee for just coming out with the third one. I hate to admit that she is not right.

I know, I know...I am going round in circles, but here's the good part of all this- you can sit back and watch and laugh as I do it. See it's a win-win situation.

But something prompted me to come out with all this because it seems that for more than nine years I have been doing just that- and it's all because I still ask myself, 'what could have been?' I know that I need to stop- and besides, I know that there's no need to revive the past but a sick part of me keep going back there like a hungry person always checking the fridge for food. So, tonight I am there- and I am taking you with me because I have a feeling that one of you reading this right now is the reason why I keep going back, and though he may feel it just a bit, I have this part of me that wishes he simply lets it stay there.

I know it is unfair to ask the one you loved to do so, but well...if you are reading this right here, I am asking you to let it stay there because after tonight I shall not think, dream, speak or even bring it up.

I started checking out The Daniel Plan and it's all about a healthy lifestyle based on: faith, focus, food, fitness and friends. I went through the site for sometimes, and thought it was a neat idea and though I am not taking part in it- I suddenly had the feeling that I have been running all my life and now I need to stop.

So, why stop?

And what is this love that I am hinting on and not really saying what it is?

Well, I would like to stop because finally I feel as though I've always been strong and cheerful and had all I needed within me. I have always had a strong shield and that's me.

And this love started nine years ago, we grew apart, then we got back together- and it was good, but I did not see us growing and he did not seem to improve me or himself and so we grew father apart- and now I keep evaluating my actions back then like I'm facing a Commission of Inquiry!

Is it safe to say that I am having second thoughts?

Yes, why? Because he asked for a chance to make things better, and saying that he's had his share of life's lessons- believe me when I say his silver tongue is to die for, and so I let him take me back to those years.

Do I regret it?

No, I find it quite intriguing- plus I had the chance to read my journal that year and it's good to know that I obeyed the rules of grammar in my pain, anger and jealousy at that time.

So, there you have it! My short trip down memory lane and the truth is maybe you are miles away from me and would never do such a thing- but it feels so sound to finally accept that I have been running.

I know what I have been running from, but question is what am I running to? There's this African proverb that says, "when you see a man running, he is either being chased by something or is chasing something." I don't know what you are running from or how fast you are going, but believe me when I say that I hope you stop at the finish line one day...and look back and smile.

Dora Achieng' Okeyo
Whatsoever you do, do it to perfection.