Thursday, January 12, 2012

He loves me...he loves me not!

"When a girl loves a boy no one knows it but the girl, when a boy loves a girl everyone knows but the girl."

A good friend asked me to judge the accuracy of this statement some days past and in reading it all I could think of was whether my judgment was necessary. I have learned that when you make a judgment you declare whether a thing is or it is not. This in itself robs the thing of its essence and to a large extent your understanding of it becomes limited. I answered him that I could not prove it and gave an explanation. Being smart he stated that he did not ask me to prove the statement but to judge it. I would not do so, for that would limit my understanding of the phrase and the sender. When people ask you questions at times you ought to ask yourself why they do so. Some people ask questions because they truly need answers. Others ask questions to prove your understanding and/or intelligence. Others still ask questions to prove that they are smarter than you. Such people would quickly answer you when you declare that you know not the answer. Others and these constitute a large portion of the population, ask you questions not because they need answers but because they are trying to figure out aspects about your personality. This is the greatest assumption because personality is not solely based on thoughts or opinions as people think. Personality is best determined through one's actions, the spontaneous things they do. I cherish my friend because through him I learn loads about what it means to nurture and how diverse our opinions can be. So when I received the text as stated above, the first thing that came to mind was "Jodie." I had to share this with you. It's an observation and this statement is proved wrong by most girls nowadays. I know of friends who told their boyfriends that they loved them even before the boys could. They insist that they couldn't wait for the boys to admit their true feelings because they saw they would wait forever. Some guys also like it when a girl admits first that they love them because then the pressure is eased off them. It is true that so much pressure has been and still is on guys to man up! Though we say we are much advanced these days, waiters still present the man with the bill in a restaurant. Service deliverers still call guys "boss." Most touts still prefer to smile suggestively at the lady and present a stern face and an aggressive voice at the man. If you are a lady in a matatu seated adjacent to a guy and he pays first the tout would still ask "wawili?"

So do girls really don't know if the boy loves them? That is something I cannot ascertain. I will take you back through history most societies have raised men to be three P's: provider, protector and procreator. Most boys are brought up to believe that they ought to take care of the girl to be a step ahead. So the girl though she can tell that the boy fancies her would dare not prompt him to admit it but would play along till he finally confesses. One of my Yoruba neighbors says that "only the ripe mango falls off the tree." She insists as I write this that indeed unless the boy is ready to tell the girl that he loves her then let him take his time. In their culture a man is respected if only he can say what he has to say, not when his wife speaks sense before him. I still have no clue for sure, for people are different. People attribute different things to love. So is the statement accurate or not? It does not matter. Can I judge the accuracy of the statement? No, it is a statement uttered in its pure form, the underlying thought and desire to know the accuracy is what matters. As such, I leave it to you.

How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?