Penorama

I love pens.

I however collect pencils. I love pencils because you can always erase what you have written-and because they come in different designs yet they always write the same way-black, a pencil might be fancy on the outside but when it comes to output, the Lead still decides.

Pens vary-they may look fancy on the outside but are also fancy on the inside, some write in blue, black, green, red, purple, gold and the list is endless.

It is often said that one step forward doesn't count if you take one back. It is also said that the first step is the hardest to make and forget. I sat down on the stairs leading to the library and looked at people walk in and out of the building. If you love a place or object you can smell and feel it with your eyes closed. That's more of what my relationship is like with this library- every book I touch is special and every aisle I walk down is full of knowledge.

If there's a dream that holds true is having a library like Belle's in Beauty and the Beast , and I am headed there, or so I think.

I pulled out my pencil and thought of what each person thought as they made their way to the library, and after ten tries I decided to sketch their shoes, bags, looks, and even managed to come up with some worn out looks and smiles. I am not Leornado DaVinci but I did sketch some things that I would have to think about in my free time. But seated there pencil in hand, the suns' rays on me- nothing felt as certain as knowing that I doomed until the fire that's inside me is lit.

Yes, I did have an AHA! moment but it only lasted a second- I couldn't stand the throbbing pain in my chest and so I did what I always do when something's coming my way, I started humming a song by Daughtry, and you'd think having known all their songs, I could pick a more appropriate song, I went for "Start of Something Good." All the while my mind is shouting this is not good Arch, retreat! retreat!

Like Will Smith says in The Pursuit of Happyness "You got a dream, you gotta protect it. When people can't do something themselves, they are gonna tell you that you can't do it." That's all I have been hearing and today I am done hearing it and it took a moment of boredom on some heated up stairs to believe that.

How many times have you wanted to achieve something and people keep asking- are you sure? Are you ready for this? Do you have the money to do it?

Do you have a job to pay your bills? How are you going to pull through?

Sometimes-'naysayers' are cowards who are either jealous or hoping you fall real hard so they can put you in the 'I told you so' category. I picked my pencil, and now as I look at the sketches I made- I realize that I am on a journey-that even with words, you who are reading this would never understand. It is not that you cannot- but it is because it is my journey and until I gain the awareness and live each moment then explaining it to you would be futile.

Try going to the top most floor of a building and look down- what happens to your heart-is what I am going through now. Better yet-think of that moment when you close your eyes and sleep is your best friend and confidante, well...that's the state I am in...and untill then, my journey begins.

Wait...I have to get my pen first!

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How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?