Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I'm Selfish, don't try and tell me otherwise

I am selfish.
I still throw a tantrum when I can't seem to get things to go my way and no matter what my heart tells me, there's just a 2 year old instinct in me that stomps away never to look back.
I am a bottler and trust me if you thought canned soda was frizzy wait till you meet me years later after a misunderstanding that I simply laughed off and told you, 'it's okay- no worries.'
FYI: When I say 'no worries' it usually means 'You'd better run or else you're done!"
So, what prompted this post today? I did wake up with a swollen jaw and had to get my tooth extracted which was not my cup of coffee because it wasn't fun! I just didn't like the idea of someone thrusting a needle in my gum because 'IT HURTS! But I had two choices:
  1. To look like I was relishing a jawbreaker
  2. To get some sleep at night
If you've ever had a toothache you probably know that I went for Numero dos!
So, with my visit and nerve wrecking experience at the dentist something came to mind about the things that I do. Call is a wake up call but it feels more like a guilt conscience to me and so there I was seated in a matatu- listening of course to The Band Perry.
Then it hit me worse than that needle from the dentist that I am Selfish!
I have been keeping so much to myself that in the process I have become like a secret diary of some person that is not known to the world! I am leading double lives and it got me writing. It really got me writing a story that I never thought I could complete-let alone share with people and for once I am opening up a part of me not because I want to (still selfish) but because I feel like it's time I did so.

And you've been reading this and hearing me going on and on about my life thinking (yeah, it's all about you, what about me! selfish!)

But, it is more about you than me and my guess is you've also kept somethings hidden- all because it doesn't feel right having the world know of it. It could be a collection of pictures, words, a book, or feelings that you feel are better left unknown- but with time you'll have to share that. It's up to you to figure out when, and how. All I hope for is that when you do- you feel as elated and calm as I did today and I am glad that I am finally making that story into a book because who knows- it might be a flop or a success, but either way am telling it!

Now for a cup of Coffee : It's been 12 days, 4 hours, 36 minutes, 20 seconds and ....(I am not counting.)