Confession

Him: January 1st 2013 at 2:00am, seated in the living room waiting and hoping she comes back home.

Her: Watching him wait, his eyes at the gate-and when they walk up to his door, all he does is shake his head. They don't have to tell him. It is 2:20am as he opens the door.

"It is never wise to start a sentence with 'I'm sorry," but the people do. Whatever they tell him after that is not worth their apology or their pity.

April 4, 2013 at 6:00pm.

Her: He finds the letter I wrote

"I hope you read this when I am long gone, for whatever it is worth, my heart yearns to be with you. I have gone by now and you have waited on me, but there are some things you can never get back. It's sad that it's easy to make a baby but hard to raise the dead. Let's face it, I am dead. Well, but surely I am writing this before my status changes.

I pray that you don't give up.

I pray also that you remember to wash the bathroom sink every time you brush. I pray that you remember to change your shaving razor-and please invest more in the Nivea collection for men. These things might seem petty, but I want you to look good. Do you remember telling your friend when he lost his fiancee that he still had to look good even though his heart was shattered? I hope you do the same.

I know you would have loved to tell me a lot of things.
I know you would have loved time to argue, and that in that time you would have disappointed me worse off even had a few affairs on the side. But, I am writing this-and you are reading it wondering why I am haunting you. I just want you to know that I have no regrets. I am glad I met you and that for all the time we shared, I learned a lot about me and commitment and that you waited for me. You waited even when your friends thought you were too old school to do things right. You have done some stupid things. You have also refused to shave when I tell you that a beard makes you look homeless. You have this thing for cars and setting up many bank accounts, my Dear, save wisely-but have fun. Go out and dance. Go out and flirt with some girls. Visit your friends and talk about me when you want to. Curse me for leaving you behind, but for all it's worth stay close to God, be kind to others. I have enjoyed my life and I want you to do the same. Now that I am running out of breath and these doctors think it is right to poke me with their needles, please forgive me. Forgive me for never sticking around for our anniversary dance and also for taking that chocolate bar and blaming it on our daughter-Julia. Be strong, embrace your pain and forgive yourself. But don't you ever for the sake of guilt or insanity allow Julia to go out with that silly boy she calls Mumo,do you hear me so help me God, I swear..."

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Hate less, Love more: Fear less, Hope more.