Having second thoughts

I do not forgive easily.

I am the kind of person who will be hurt, and let go only in bits so I can feed off that pain. It sounds selfish and cruel- but there's something about emotional pain that makes me feel good- not because I desire it, but because when I'm hurt, I am forced to accept that people can be both good and evil, and I'd still love them.

I cannot entertain second thoughts.

I realized this when my mom told me about a well-known publishing house here in Kenya that was calling out on all writers and accepting manuscript submissions. She told me I could submit my work, and I told her I would not.

In the beginning of this year, I had made some resolutions and it was based on my writing. I had promised to continue writing in the first person, and build on romance and speculative fiction. I have been doing so.

I also mentioned having been denied my due by two publishing houses- and as such I would not work with them again.

So, this publishing house that mom has been talking about is one of them. I said I would not submit my writing to them ever again, because they accepted seven pieces of my work, and paid me one-tenth of what they had promised.

They may be good at what they produce, but I do not trust or see myself working with them. It's my choice, and as we talked over it with mom again- it felt like she was suggesting I give them a try because I have this story that she thinks would be what they are looking for.

No thanks Mom.

I do not think so. I do not feel it too.

Have you ever felt like there's no point of return? Like things have already gone to the dogs and you'd rather they stay there? I have, and having been taking part in The Forgiveness Challenge it's clear that at times you can either renew or release the relationship.

I choose to release it.

I will keep you updated on my writing and if there are any new ebooks, you'd be the first to hear about it courtesy of this blog.

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How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?