Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Having second thoughts

I do not forgive easily.
I am the kind of person who will be hurt, and let go only in bits so I can feed off that pain. It sounds selfish and cruel- but there's something about emotional pain that makes me feel good- not because I desire it, but because when I'm hurt, I am forced to accept that people can be both good and evil, and I'd still love them.

I cannot entertain second thoughts.
I realized this when my mom told me about a well-known publishing house here in Kenya that was calling out on all writers and accepting manuscript submissions. She told me I could submit my work, and I told her I would not.

In the beginning of this year, I had made some resolutions and it was based on my writing. I had promised to continue writing in the first person, and build on romance and speculative fiction. I have been doing so.
I also mentioned having been denied my due by two publishing houses- and as such I would not work with them again.

So, this publishing house that mom has been talking about is one of them. I said I would not submit my writing to them ever again, because they accepted seven pieces of my work, and paid me one-tenth of what they had promised.
They may be good at what they produce, but I do not trust or see myself working with them. It's my choice, and as we talked over it with mom again- it felt like she was suggesting I give them a try because I have this story that she thinks would be what they are looking for.

No thanks Mom.

I do not think so. I do not feel it too.

Have you ever felt like there's no point of return? Like things have already gone to the dogs and you'd rather they stay there? I have, and having been taking part in The Forgiveness Challenge it's clear that at times you can either renew or release the relationship.
I choose to release it.

I will keep you updated on my writing and if there are any new ebooks, you'd be the first to hear about it courtesy of this blog.

How can one change the world if one identifies oneself with everybody?