I do not like "what if," moments but yesterday before I went to bed, there was this thought "and what if you can't write what you want to write?"
I am working on two books, one is going great while the other is stuck. Yes, I am stuck because the two main characters have reached a resolution without argument. It does not help that it is late because my mentor had asked me to write it by Valentine's day. (And I guess that ship's sailed, it's 15th, eh?)
So, it made me wonder just how good I am at beating deadlines and following instructions, but even that's not enough to warrant my response today.
When my mentor called to ask about it, I told him that it was not ready, and when he asked me why, I told him I did not want to rush the story.
He said, "okay," and our talk went back to marketing Fire and also getting ready for another initiative, but what bummed me was his question, "are you okay with what you are writing now?"
See, this man has the ability to unnerve me. You know when I think am calm, he asks me a question that gets me unsettled, it's like trying to have a seat and having the chair pulled under you. Gravity is king, my friend!
So, am I ?
I am, and it's part of the reason why I am taking my time with writing Water. The other reason is that I am going back and forth in creating not just characters but scenes too, and I am learning about it too.
So, what if you can't write what you want to write?
You will be sad and unfulfilled, that's what I know would happen. My mentor told me to work on a romance novel to be released on Valentine's day, and I was so caught up in doing so, that I lost track of what story I wanted to write. Now, it's dry and I have to write not because I was asked to, but because there is a story to be told.
So, what if?
Well, so what then?
I am learning that sometimes, especially at night right before I sleep, these "what if?" questions will haunt me, not to mess up my day, but to remind me of my path.