Saturday, February 7, 2015

Minefields

I seem to be making my way to posting here during the weekends. I'll do something about it.
So, how has your week been?
Did you get most of the things you wanted done? How many are left pending?
I had a hectic week because of the mileage I had to cover at work, but so far, I have reverted to waking up at 5am and sleeping at 11pm. I have no tangible answer for what I do in between save for something that started on February 6th.
I started watching two Indian drama series on #ZeeWorld : Saloni at 7pm and Married Again at 10pm.
So at least that counts for why I sleep late, but whatever happens in between then is taking at least two cold showers because of the heat in Kisumu.
So far I have sold all the copies (fifteen of them) of Fire that I had! 
I am working on Water and also getting the other copies available here in Kenya for other people- but I learned something else that made me feel uneasy about support from friends. It is not to incriminate, but it hurt me when some people who had been pestering me about getting copies simply looked at my book- and shrugged and then let it be, then gave me the excuse that they had no money, but were quick to treat me to lunch. I turned them down, and maybe one day when they'll read this they would understand what I told them that day before excusing myself and heading back home.
And that is more of the climax of my week- I broke up with five friends. Four because of their misplaced priorities and one because he was in love with me.
And somewhere between Tuesday and Thursday I learned that you cannot dictate the terms of your relationship, and if people do not build you or encourage you to be a better person- or are a constant source of negativity, then getting them out of your life should not hurt or weigh you down.
I have also listened to Daughtry's #Baptized album this week, so much so that when I was feeling down I found myself belting out "Can I get a Witness?" in the middle of nowhere.
 So far, wherever I go, I am bound to make mistakes, get hurt and hurt others- and though sometimes it might seem like things will never be okay, I know that even flowers grow in minefields. I know that the sun shines on the minefields and when it rains, each drop of water goes down into the ground...and no matter what happens, I am not alone because I am a force. Forces are as beautiful as they are destructive, isn't that why hurricanes are named after women? But, my prayer is that I may not destroy the people I love as I leave my mark in this world.
I have also learned that when you are in a race you have cheerleaders: there are those who would scream when you win and those who would turn their backs and pack their pom poms when you lose. You choose. The best cheerleader is the one who is in the crowd, who feels your heartbeat when you are about to win, and the one who feels your muscles cramp when you are about to lose, and the same one who will remain seated on the benches when the lights are out to remind you that you are not alone, and that at dawn you should practice because you are winning the next race.
I'm grateful for this week, because I have learned that am selfish, and stubborn and a hopeless romantic!
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