Saturday, March 22, 2014

Why should Marriage matter to me now?

Are you married? Or almost getting married? Or hoping to get married?

Well, if you are hoping to get married...the question today is not when but to WHO?
See, who you get married to is very important, because that phrase "till death do us part" signals a very long time with your partner.

So, why the sudden interest in marriage?

Well...my friend's Mom asked me about it. She put it in a light way, but it was more like this "you are still tiny, Dora, and tell me, what are your plans? Any wedding?"

I smiled, then politely told her it will happen in God's time.

Thank God for His assurance! ( I mean, I can indeed share with people that I believe that when God's got something awesome for me, all I need to do is be patient about it.)

So, why should marriage matter to me now?

Did you know that in Kenya, the marital age is increasing steadily?
What was once between 18 and 22 is now 28-35, and why is that? If you said: divorce, abuse, infidelity, lies, mistrust, tough economic times, accountability...then you are on the right track, but having slept on this- why should it be so? Why should it be so hard to commit to someone and date for a reason?

So, I asked some guys why they date and they said:
  • To have fun
  • To get to know someone
  • To score
  • To have someone to show off to your pals
  • To have someone to text at night and go clubbing with.
I then asked them, what they seek in wife
  • Kind
  • Caring and loving
  • Someone who knows how to cook and clean- and can take good care of the house (domesticated!)
  • Loyal and hardworking
  • Respectable
  • Intelligent and knows how to carry themselves around people- not party-goers
  • Dress appropriately- and are honest
So, I went on to ask if they are looking for someone to settle down with. They answered yes. So, I asked them why they date with the intention of not committing yet expect to find a wife while doing so.
I was politely turned down by the discussion of which team might win the Champions League Cup.
PS: I do watch some games- and know my way around football. My Dad was a football coach, give me some credit! I did most of my nursery homework alongside a football field!
Back to the matter at hand...date with a reason, and accept the consequences of your thinking.
If you want a wife but always hang out and chase after cheap girls- well, you'll be chasing for a long time and scoring- but never winning!
You win when you have finally accepted the person you see yourself with- for the next years to come.
But- I was also thinking about marriage in the 21st century- it is increasingly considered less and less 'a good thing.'
How many single mothers do we have?
Is it because the baby daddies do not exist? No. They do not want to commit. Then before we could sneeze- came the phrase "Y.O.L.O" and suddenly everyone thinks that you only live once by partying too hard and drowning your body in alcohol and weed.
But...there's also the few who are doing good in terms of committing to their loved ones. The few who believe that love, and marriage are journeys that two people can undertake and arrive at a great destination. Then there are those who believed this but were convinced not to by those who see the negative side of it.
So, what would my answer be to my friend's mom about any wedding plans?
Well, I do have my own- and I am honored to be constantly challenged and cared for by a great person who I see myself walking down the aisle to. Yes, I will have to walk down that aisle...
So, why should marriage matter to me now?
It has never been out of my wishes- because I have seen what a good family is- and I believe that a great family has to start from somewhere- and I only hope that I will be as strong as my Mom, to always cater to my family even when my husband is long gone. I see how some of my uncles and long distant relatives fail in treating their wives right, and I know that in doing so they are disregarding the image of God in which they were made. I would not wish that on any woman.

But, if there's one thing I have constantly learned from my other uncles who glorify and value their marriage is that there's a sobering responsibility that comes with being a man.I say so- because women in their own nature have proven to fall, and get back on their feet and protect their children, a quality that any man needs for his legacy to prosper.