Monday, August 25, 2014

Okay, so...what now?

I finally have my way and instead of feeling very happy I feel calm, is that how it's supposed to be?

Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about, well...let's put it this way, things are great between Prince Charming and I. We talked a lot of things through and he could only laugh when I told him- and he said that it was cool because he liked me for my weirdness and inability to stay still- (though that sounded downright weird) I had to accept that he did see through the part of me that I had shared with him.

So, now...I am back to work (well, it's always been work for a while) and he did get me going on with my writing which I am grateful for.

So, I woke up this morning to his text wishing me a marvelous day and I was like:
​(Photo Credit: LinkedIn )

For a while it had felt like everything was closing in one me and I wanted out- not just to breathe but to feel my heart beat, to remember what my goals were and how much I yearned for them.

Well, I got it!

But then I'm asking myself, have I really got what I wanted?

What did I really want in the first place? Was it a want or a need?
And now my mind is a minefield of twenty one questions and I cannot for the life of me understand why I tolerate these thoughts, and then it dawns on me when I'm I am bending with a wet rag cleaning the living room- and just like that I realize that I am running away!

I have escapism tendencies...and Grace calls it Philosophy.
I mean, have you ever tried sharing a thought with a Philosopher? It's like asking a Therapist a question and they throw it back at you.

There it is, I have been running away scared and calling it 'suffocation' and now that I have finally realized it, I am left with the greatest Oprah show of my life with Prince Charming.

See, if you have dreams and aspirations- and you meet someone who suddenly makes things feel so right and good, you can get so caught up in them that you forget to live for what you yearned for. Years later you find yourself hating them for never letting you live your dreams- when in essence you never shared your dreams with them- and they never knew how to encourage you.

So, I'm learning to live. I am also learning to open up and share my dreams and fears- because if I do not tell him then there's no way he'll know how to support me.
I am also asking him his aspirations- and this is the question my mother always asks my friends "what are your aspirations?"
She also asks "where do you come from? Who are your parents and what do they do? What is the one thing they've taught you that you are grateful for?"

So, if you are dating someone and you are hoping for a long term commitment, don't wait to get all panicky like me. Ask them:
  1. What are your aspirations?
  2. Can you cultivate me? (Or will you improve me so that together we are a formidable force?)
  3. How can I improve you? If so, will you listen to my views and work with me to help make you better?
You'll probably have other questions to ask with time, but what matters is that you asked them.
It's easier to blame others, and so now as stubborn as I am, I am doing my writing and getting ready for that road trip. I have the book coming out in December, and Prince Charming's declaration that "I'll stand by you, as long as you don't watch me fall," and if there is one thing I am sure of it's that I'll be alright- and we will always be the best of friends.

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