- I bottle up my anger
- Smile and walk away when am pissed off
- Run away from love
So today, I'll focus on the third and do my best to dissect it because I have put it on hold for so long it's going to expire. I have the chance to love and be loved as simple as it may seem- it hinges on my inability to see someone heart-broken. I have had the pleasure of being in a love-triangle when I was in high school and it saw me lose touch with two of my best friends. The guy picked me, and I had to leave later on for he'd broken my trust- but my friend never got over it. She is happily married and has a beautiful daughter now- but she told me last year that she never could take it. I could not believe that he'd hit on her and she'd seriously considered him while we were in high school but never told me about it. I mean whatever happened to "the boy is mine" kinda thing? Help a sister out- and call the guy on his game, but for the record he was cute and had the best handwriting a teenage boy could have!
So, what brought this on? I recently discovered Ukwala Supermarket here in Kisumu stocks some very unique stationery that are to die for! If you ever visit Kisumu- head to the Ukwala Supermarket that's near the National Bank- and please visit their stationery section, I promise you, your writing life will never be the same!
So, Grumpy decided to treat me to pencils and erasers last week, but he added me an eraser today and here's my collection so far:
So, I thanked him but I knew he was up to something. We've been friends for so long and the only way he puckers up to me is by treating me to stuff I love, like endless coffee time! Before I could call him out on it, he asked me "I'm serious about us Arch, what do you want me to do to prove it? Say it and I will do it."
Cut! CUT! CUT! Is this thing ON?
Did I say Cut? Did you really listen or is the tape of life still rolling? Okay...someone get me a drink! Make a double-espresso, no sugar! Hot!Wait!
Make it a triple-espresso!
....Three hours later, and am here!
Yes, to be honest I want so much but need to get my list down and narrow down my wants to my needs based on priority and long-term returns, so I could not say anything to Grumpy even as he looked at me as though any word I said then would absolve him. I thanked him for the eraser, let him walk me home and then got here and took maziwa mala and a fat slice of ugali and thought..."you're such a Drama Queen!"
You know, I have put guys in the spot before on what I expect of them-and sometimes it's been annoying that they didn't know what they wanted. I didn't know how awful a feeling it was until Grumpy asked me today. I could have simply told him that he needs to keep his ex at bay or that he needed to come to terms with my various moods and tunes, but no...I opened my mouth and a smile was formed instead. He felt like I didn't take him seriously.
I could have told him to let me think about it, but I didn't and now...I know that when the tables were turned on me, I couldn't find an exit door no matter how hard I tried.
Here's to love!